Critique & Review

This is a set of characters I've had around for about 10 years... Hmmm... now that I think about it, it's longer than that.

Andy's challenge a while ago was all about no talking - just description. I didn't do very many words. That's because I wrote the same scene 3 times. This is my 3rd scene.

So, here is my "Station Challenge" with no dialog. It perfectly suits the characters. :)

Natasha

Alec had a thing for redheads. He always had. He'd never tracked down the history of his desire, he'd just accepted it. He'd been fortunate enough to date several redheads, and he had many fond memories of them. His memory of Natasha however, was completely different.

He saw all five of them came into the station, tall and proud, brimming with confidence. That wasn't the usual case at the station, where most of the visitors felt at least a little dejected, and a little forgotten. This group wasn't written that way, and their training and their personalities shined through the rejection by their author.

As the group got closer, Alex started to 'hear' them, even though the only sound they were making was the soft click, click, click of their boots on the marble floor. Images and scenes, sometimes the odd word, jumped between them and splashed like paint on a blank canvas. Each of them had a sort of scent that Alec played with identifying. Kathy was a springtime flower smell, and Lorrie was the smell of steam coming off a nice, hot bath, more of a feeling than a smell. The two men had men smells. Jarek smelled like a stout beer, bubbling and cold. Victor smelled of hay in a barn in the middle of summer. And then, there was Natasha. She had an unfriendly smell. It was the smell of a blast furnace, or a crematorium.

They all seemed friendly enough, even though he barely knew them. He served them their drinks, which they ordered silently, although the requests were clear enough. He shook his head at Kathy, who ordered a Singapore sling. Her hair was orange and her nose lined with freckles that stood out sharply. She smiled a mischievous smile and met his eyes from a slightly lowered head. He gave her a ginger ale instead.

Natasha was trouble, Alec knew that when he first saw her, but her dark red hair pulled back into a bun was too alluring to pass up, hiding what he was sure was a wild interior. She was tall and athletic and her cheek bones were some of the most amazing he'd ever seen. Her eyes were a pale crystal blue, cold, intelligent and distant.

She met his gaze and blinked slowly, shaking her head and frowning. She casually settled onto a stool and held his eye for two more seconds. During those few seconds, she craned her neck slightly as if looking over his shoulder, tilted her head and changed Alec's tastes in women. Suddenly, she went from sharply gorgeous and alluring to vaguely attractive, but not his type at all.

Alec turned and looked at all five of them, or was it four? If someone asked, him, he could describe them all in great detail, except for the redhead, he could barely remember what she looked like. Redheads never stuck in his memory. He didn't like redheads.

Travis.
--
http://cottreau.blogspot.com
http://cottreaureviews.blogspot.com/

Cool, it certainly was a quick turnaround once she overlooked Alec.

I like the idea of just description in this challenge. I might try it myself (though I've already done the Station Challenge).

Andrew Chilton - http://kapiti.geek.nz/

I don't think I ever saw your station challenge. Did you post it?

Travis.
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http://cottreau.blogspot.com
http://cottreaureviews.blogspot.com/

Looking over this story - I would remove "and changed Alec's tastes in women" - there's no need, since it's explained later... I think it lessens the impact.

Anyway - fun to play with the characters from my SoCNoc...

Travis.
--
http://cottreau.blogspot.com
http://cottreaureviews.blogspot.com/

No I didn't post my Station Challenge. I didn't really like it. However, I have just posted one of the other pieces I did for the Descriptive Challenge.

Andrew Chilton - http://kapiti.geek.nz/

cool - off to read it.

Travis.
--
http://cottreau.blogspot.com
http://cottreaureviews.blogspot.com/