Critique & Review

Sara and Michelle work evenings in the costume Hire department of the local Musical Theatre.
TITLE: THE ZING THING.
"It's five to seven everyone, closing in five minutes," she called out to the remaining two couples. Sara started to tidy up the mess. Hanging up the hats, putting away shoes, picking up the feathers off the floor, that had moulted from the feather boas. "What a mess!" she complained to Michelle after the customers had gone. "I'll do this Michelle while you tally up the till," she called out to the other girl.
She picked up one of the costumes off the floor, it was a white dress, with a flared skirt and halter top. "Marilyn Munroe,' she smiled to herself.
'Everyone only ever think of her wearing this dress, the one that blew up as she stood over the ventilater grill, exposing her knickers.' Sara thought she would try it on, but it was too big. She picked up the long body hugging pale blue sequinned dress and shook herself into it, pulled up the zip, and slipped into a pair of white shoes. Parading out of the fitting room to show Michelle, who was counting up the cash from the till. "Michelle can you throw me the blonde wig, some long white gloves, and a fur stole from the box behind you please?" Michelle grinned and did as requested.
While Sara dug deep in her makeup bag, applied some red lipstick, and painted a mole in the appropriate place, with an eyebrow pencil.
Sara went back into the fitting room, tucked her short, dark hair under the blonde wig, wrapped the white fur stole around her shoulders and looked into the long gold edged mirror in the dressing room.
ZING! Sara found herself up high on a plinth on a stage looking down on a vast audience. Over to her left at stage level, stood the President of the United States of America. The band struck up, and out of her mouth she started singing in a sultry, yet little girl voice, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, Mr President, happy birthday to youuuu, "then she blew him a kiss from her outstretched gloved hand.
The stage hands helped her down, as everyone cheered, slipping behind the stage curtains, she was ushered to a small room, a glass of champagne was thrust into her hand. The president soon appeared, embraced her, then deftly unzipped her dress from the waist. The dress slipped to the floor, as she stood there in a pale blue strappless bra, french knickers, suspender belt, stockings and white high heeled shoes.
ZING! Sara was standing in the dressing room of her work place, the dress over one arm, the shoes, stockings and stole over the other.
"Michelle! Guess what happened? I became Marilyn Munroe!" she babbled to her.
"Yeah, yeah, look I am trying to get the till to balance," Michelle returned a little testily. "You and your vivid imagination!"
Sara went back into the dressing room and thought she would try something else. 'I've always been fascinated with the medieval era, I'll try this green dress on, there, add a ginger wig, a small gold coronet,' she thought to herself, as she turned to look into the mirror.
ZING!..............

http://gay_belle.livejournal.com

The Zing Thing: "The Makeover."

'Southern Scriber.'

What a great idea Gaye-Belle! I loved this story.

*searches for the vintage Chanel in her wardrobe*

Really great idea! You could have some real fun with this. :)

No Excuses. Just Write.

Another snippet for slushpile & Kerryn. :)

ZING! Back at the dressing room again, Sara called out excitingly to Michelle. "It happened again! I was at Shrek and Fiona's wedding feast! In fact I was Princess Fiona!" she cried.
"Sara, will you please stop mucking about and clean up so we can get away!" yelled Michelle, getting rather infuriated with this carry on of Sara's.
"No look I'll do one more, you come and watch," Sara insisted.
"OK I'll appeal to your sense of humour, what are you going to become this time?"
"Michelle it's not funny, it's scary! I think I will go for a modern Princess this time, here look, nineteen eighties, have we got the Lady Di wig?"
Michelle went to find the wig, while Sara put on a colbalt blue dress with a peplam at the waist, wide padded shoulders, and a large white lace edged collar, adding white, high-heel pointed toe shoes. Michelle placed the blonde feather-cut wig on Sara's head, then for a final touch a small diamante tiara.

ZING! Sara found herself at the dining table with Charles and his parents. 'Why don't they give me a vegetarian dish, like I ask for, instead of meat dishes made with game they have caught on the moors,' She thought disgustingly.'I hate holidaying with 'The Family' at Balmoral, there is nothing to do here. I wish I was back at Kennsington, near the shops and clubs in London. Those bloody dogs scrounging at the table, and Anne will be here tomorrow with her viscous brutes.'
Charles passed her a plate of venison. "No thanks, I don't want anything," she said sullenly. Charles sighed, while the Queen frowned, and the Duke raised his eyes upward.
"Diana, dear please don't wear your tiara at the dinner table again." Diana scraped her chair back in temper, "I am sick of being treated like a child, I'm going to my room!" As she flounced toward the door, the Duke retorted,
"Well stop acting like one then." She stared coldly at him, and shrugged, turned to the Queen and snapped.
"You can give my helping of your killing to the damned dogs, you treat them better than people! she screamed out, stomping upstairs to the bathroom, stuck her fingers down her throat to make herself sick, then walked quietly into the bedroom. Charles was standing there rubbing his jacket cuff as he did incline to do when he felt uncomfortable. "I'm going to bed, she turned her back to him, "will you undo my zipper?" Charles reached out with one hand, turning his face in a disdainful way. Diana could see his face in the mirror, 'He wishes he was doing this for Camilla.' she realised, as the dress slipped to the floor, at her feet.
ZING! sara was looking back at herself in the mirror, Michelle was standing behind her. "So did anything happen?" she asked Sara, looking bemused.
"I was having dinner with the Royal family, and the dogs!" she said contemptuously, "that Charles is a cold fish!" Did you not see anything?"
"Nope," grinned Michelle, I think you are having me on. You just stood there in front of the mirror." she told her trying not to laugh.

http://gay_belle.livejournal.com

The Zing Thing: "The Makeover."

'Southern Scriber.'

Interesting. It wasn't how I would imagine Diana to be but that I only have perceptions based on what has been in the media.

I'm now wondering how and why the 'Zing' thing can happen. It would be fascinating if there was a wider problem in the story that the 'Zing' thing was able to solve.

No Excuses. Just Write.

Ah it has a snappy ending. :)

http://gay_belle.livejournal.com

The Zing Thing: "The Makeover."

'Southern Scriber.'

Ok. I want to read the whole thing now. Can you email it to me or post it?

No Excuses. Just Write.

he he nosey eh! Remember The Zing Thing was meant to be zingy, and zany, and different genre, this is fantasy, that is not my thing.

"Huh! One more time then. What about this, a cat costume, I love cats, if there is such a thing as reincarnation, I'm coming back as a cat," Sara informed Michelle.
Michelle was giggling by this stage, "alright then, go on."
Sara donned the full length, black, furry cat suit and zipped up the front, as she brought the head piece over her head she noticed one of the ears was torn away from the crown. "Whoops this needs fixing, I'll take it home and sort it, in fact I will wear it home, it's nice and warm," she decided. She pulled on the white mittens, and as she looked in the mirror, she raised her paws in a scratching motion, as if she was playing, or defending herself.
"Come on Sara, stop fooling around, I have to get away, my lift has arrived," remonstrated Michelle.
"You go then, I'll lock up," Sara sighed, looking into the mirror, as Michelle left.
ZING! Sara is frantically defending herself from a huge tabby tomcat, he is kicking her hard in the stomach with his huge, white, back feet. "Ooooowww," she cried, his sharp fanged teeth crunched into her ear, tearing it. "Arrrggghhh," she tried to bite him back, but he was too strong for her. She could feel the blood trickling down the side of her face, her fur feeling warm and damp. "Get oooorrrfff," she cried, her head and her back hurt, he had her upside down and was still tearing at her stomach.
Next thing she heard a human voice, a woman's, shouting at the tom to get away, "shoo," she yelled, and pushed him off with a broom, the tom took off.
The woman gathered Sara up in her arms and took her inside, placing her in a basket by the fire. Sara tried to lick herself, she had little energy, but she had to get this fur coat off so she could return to her natural self as Sara, back at the costume place.
There were no more Zings!
No matter how much she licked, the feat was impossible, she remained a little black cat with white feet. Her new owner returned with a warm drink of milk, and encouraged her to drink.
"There, there, my poor baby, that awful tomcat gave you a hard time, you stay here with me, by the warm fire." Sara felt better after the warm milk and after licking her wounds, she curled up for a sleep.

The next day two notices appeared, in the local paper. one on the front page news. WOMAN IN CAT COSTUME. DIED IN A HEAD ON COLLISION. A woman travelling home from work last evening, wearing a black, furry cat suit, swerved to miss a cat on the highway and collided with an oncoming car.

The second notice was in the situations vacant column. ASSISTANT REQUIRED IN COSTUME HIRE SHOP. Some one with a vivd imagination, required for evening hours. Apply to The Musical Theatre.

http://gay_belle.livejournal.com

The Zing Thing: "The Makeover."

'Southern Scriber.'

I felt like there wasn't much explanation about why/how the ZING thing happened.

BUT, I really liked the last two paragraphs about the two notices. Particularly the one that explains what happened to Sara the person.

Thanks, I feel satisfied now I know the ending. :)

No Excuses. Just Write.

I loved the ending - it gave a much darker twist to the whole piece. Great stuff!!

I don't know why the zing thing happened either, allowing for only 2,000words, I guess it was just that Sara had a vivid imagination, because Michelle saw nothing.
I noticed that while working in the industry, some people could create a great character, others had no idea.
I like twisty endings, too slushpile.

http://gay_belle.livejournal.com

The Zing Thing: "The Makeover."

'Southern Scriber.'

I love the ending, it was a great twist to the story! Your dialogue was very well organized and thought out, i enjoyed the story a great deal.

"Writers aren't exactly people.... they're a whole bunch of people trying to be one person."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald

Thank you kyrsa. That was a challenge for us to try a different genre than we normally do. It was 2,000 words called The Zing Thing, something zany and zingy.
I tend to put a twist in the end,of my stories, I guess we write what we like ourselves.:)

http://gay_belle.livejournal.com

The Zing Thing: "The Makeover."

'Southern Scriber.'